Everything Science Forum

Imperial spies have confirmed deployment of covert ops from Bozo HQ.

(Portal opens out steps Nemisis2 on the bridge of Orstio space station I)
Admiral do you authorize the investigation and/or arresting of clifdweller on suspicion of traitorus behaviour?

I have some other suspects but i need more time to gather proof.

As Dingo1 steps out of the transport craft and through the scanner....All of the Bozo detectors on the ship explode into life......

Alert Alert....Massive number Bozo Nano-bots detected.

Dingo1 collapses on the deck as a faint noise of circus music escapes his mouth...  With a final breath before he passes out...you here the phrase "Long Live Art Bell"

(Seeing this happen Nemisis calls the doc)
Doc aren't you the bartender?
Peter, dongo needs several injections of logic and some rid for his nanobot problem!!
Kingdom of nigh is echoing in his head. :o (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/embarassed.gif ):o :o (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/embarassed.gif ):o :o (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/embarassed.gif ):o

PETER, GET IN HERE! NOW!!!!!

Someone contact the Borg Collective! If these are nanites, they ought to be able to assimilate them!

(Voice is now cold and hard.)

All right. Let's get out of here, folks. Order all Fleet ships to depart the sector at maximum warp. My estimate is we have approximately 2 hours to get as far away from here as we can.

I have had enough of the bozos.  ]: [img]http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/mad.gif ALT=]:

We have adapted some nanoprobes to destroy bozo probes. We are transporting them to your ship now...

We can now assume that the bozos have some of our most advanced weapons. How ever the bozos seem to prefer illogic and will probably not end up using retos against up. Of course I'm not willing to bet on this so I would say the best idea right now is to deny them capsasion and find a way to defend against us with some type of shielding or armor.

No fear, Meteoroid. You should be at the helm, getting us out of this sector as fast as we can go. Trust me, I have my reasons.

The bozos won't be using any secrets they may have obtained.

Where are you?!? We have nanoprobes from the Borg to remove the bozobots from Dingo! But you have to administer them! Get in here!

Helm, lay in a course for rational space - Base Orstio!

Warp factor 8.

Engage!


Skyjim
CO

Admiral this is Supreme Commander Labatt.  I have the entire Interstellar Fleet Standing by.  I know you Admiral, and you wont let the Bozo's get away that easly for Brainwashing Captain Dingo.  Notify me Immediatly if you wish an attack to Commence.

Supreme Commander Labatt out.

The doors open and Wanda comes stepping in with Peter on her back..

*throws him on the ground and takes out a chalkboard and cray*

*she writes*

"Stupit itiot Peter thought youh wantet trinks... titn't tell him to get into thiz treat... I willl wake him"

*Wanda looks at her claws and resolutely starts plucking out hair by hair on the head of the doc*

"ARGH!! What who where? drinks... drinks...dri" WHAM

*A furry paw hits peter in the face and then points to Dingo*

"My God, why didn't anyone tell me there was a MEDICAL emergency!!! Quick, lay him on the table there... get me 5 cc of Enhanced Valium... not for him, for me Wanda!! My head is hurting like heck!"

*Peter takes out "the assimilation guid for Borg" and "Assimilationprobes for dummies" and starts reading certain parts*

"So, this tube goes there, and that one there... then a hypo here, and monitor his Bozantium levels... should drop to 23 microArtBells..."

*Checking current levels...*

"66 GigaArtBells!?! This is the worst I ever saw...Inserting probes now!!"

*Dingo his body starts vibrating and kicking around... levels seem to drop, raise a little, drop again.. etc*

"Dingo, come on... Art Bell BAD, WAN good!!, repeat it!!!!!"

*Grabbing handfull of fur*

"Come on guys, help out here!!"

Pete -

              Try simple rational immersion - perhaps looped recordings of multiplication and logarithm tables, administered while Dingo is sedated.  

    A hallmark of the Bell Bozo: Complete inability to deal with mathematics.........


Skyjim
CO

He is to far gone to use only that! You do math... We need other hard stuff... Someone get me some footage of the moonlanding! Images displaying the face of cydonia is just a pile of rubble... Perhaps some bagpipe music in the background..

Everybody aid in getting Dingo back to normal!!

Peter

While undergoing treatment:

Power generation caused by the magnetic convection within the star Sirius "A" is the star Sol is done via Ether plasma transfer.
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When the creaters left the planet Mars, they left their image in facing the stars, as they migrated to the planet Earth, populating that planet with homo-sapians.  They periodicly send probes to remote locations capturing individuals to perform medical experiments to check to see if the original gene pool has in fact been maintained or have been corrupted
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When the Johnson administration was notified that the danger to radition passing through the Var Allen belts would be so high that all electronics as well as any crew would be destroyed, he directed NASA to contact certain individuals within the hollywood elite to help design sets to make movies showing our astronauts landing on the moon.  This performance and movies were transmitted to the world population as real events, to help redirect the american and world populations to the fact that his policies in Viatnam were failing
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The use of Mylantan shielding will render any and all heat and radiation generated from the use and or consumtion of "Rito's" no matter their strength or concentration. It is the key ingreadiant used to coat the insides of my cooking pots while making such explosive material.  This lesson was learned when a batch melted the cooking containers
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Bozo nano-bots while harmless in themselves, when assimulated by Borg Technology release into the atmosphere a phnemore that is undetectable and will cause others in the vacinity to undergo a Bozo transformation
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The Bozo informants aboard the Rebel fleet are to continue to inform and to maintain current subtifuge activites...Cooruption of certain members by inflaming their zeolet personalities.  Doing so will fracture to rebel fleet into isolated units.  Though the corrupted zeolet members do not know that this subtifuge is undergoing, they are doing our work for us.  Cliffdweller beinging an excellent test subject.  As his fellow crew members continue to inner struggle with him, be prepared for our hidden operatives to approch him and see if he can be converted to our intellegence service

His levels are rising again... @#%$, where's the backup?

We're not making a lot of progress here people!

Peter

Look at the second rant from the bottom that dingo said. Our nanoprobes will cause all of you to become bozos.

(Nemisis2 bends over to where dingo is laying and says)
Allright Dingo, if you don't start fighting the bozoprobes i'll start a barrage of lame jokes followed by several speeches all written by me. :eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek :eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek :eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek

New ships have arrived from dimension zq-241 heading towards the my sub dimensional anchor portal located in the *********(classified as mole is suspected) system, they have entered Orstio Space requesting refueling.
May they?

 Comm screen view  (http://starflight3.net/timeline_files/Part13.jpg[/img)

This getting way to weird...

Let it be known that thse who act suspicious will receive a considerable load of little led balls in their body

*Reloading shotgun*

I don't care who you are or what is going on, but I know one thing! Dingo will survive, with his brains restored to normal strenght!

I can't do anything against fleets of bozo ships, I am unable to stop an army... I am not even able to stop a bozo attack squad,, but I know one thing.. the first Bozo spy who comes within eye sight will be shot!

*kissing right barrel of shotgun.. polishing it until it shines*

"Art Bell supporters... I am ready, willing and able"

*grins*

Peter

We are awaiting our ship and crew to be delivered.

(Librarian enters with arms full of books by Einstein, Hoyle, Hawking, Feynman, and other Founding Fathers of Rational Space. She sits near Dingo's head and begins to read aloud.)

  Pete, if I can just get some sodas or something set up near me to keep my voice from going, I'll keep administering Logical First Aid!

Sunspots! Thanks! Pressing intercom... "Wanda, could you get us some drinks up in here? Thanks!"

I do have a problem...  heard in the rantings of Dingo that the nanoprobes will bozofy us all... However, the other statements in his rantings were of questionable truth (bozo rantings), so I guess it is all a conspiracy to get us into believing that the nanoprobes bozofy people.

BUT, this is ..err... a conspiracy theory!?! So, I am not sure what to think... :\ (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/ohwell.gif ):\

Peter

Their getting to you, rest for a second the librarian is barraging them with logic.
(Nemisis2 opens personal lame joke which causes a mental burst of painful booing)
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
'Cause the farmer was behind.

Why'd the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell shop.

Why'd the farmer shove the chicken in the T.V.?
To have a T.V. dinner.
(After that barrage, Nemisis2 looks around for a place to hide from Peters shotgun) :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D

OMG!! :eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek I actually laughed hard about that last joke! :eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek

What is happening??!

Peter

(Labatt sitting in his Command seat with thousands of ships, dying with bordom, and about to fall asleep)

Arn't we going to attack?  I thought the Admiral would have given orders by now.

ALL FLEET, exit region of negotiations! IMMEDIATELY! Do not engage Bozos - repeat, do NOT engage bozos!

Peter, don't worry about the nanites. U.S.H.I.T. intelligence information indicates that the bozo ability to resist Borg assimilation is quite low, due to their inability to handle logic. I strongly suspect that is a propaganda tactic. However, we will evacuate everyone from the hangar except for you, Sunspots, and myself, just in case. So go ahead and do your thing, doc.

Borg Collective, I have indications that Emperor Orstio has had his personal guard retrieve your ship. However, the Emperor has yet to see fit to notify me of their ETA at the WAN III. I will keep you posted as information is handed to me.

So fevering bloodier, favorite sloppiness.
Objected craziest buxom orientation.
Buxom, moody, dottier howitzer pool.
Is attractive, rude winnie-the-pooh.
I am vain doziness enchants bonehead.
OK woodenheaded horticultural treatment.

Trendy loop:

It is not favorless, eyeopener rampages impotence.
Xenophobic fat despites gemstones eroticize.....

It sounds almost like Ez-ra. :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D :o (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/embarassed.gif ):o

Admiral, you never answered if my ships had permission to dock at Ortsio station to refuel.
Do i?

Fleet Admiral & Captain Skyjim,

With Dingo out and Spacegirlie missing, I've taken temporary command of the Attack Carrier ISS BozoBlaster.  As the fleet moves on, I will cover the escape.  I will not allow us to be followed.  Long Live the Cause!!!


Mons

Do you require assitance from WAN II or IV?
We are still in the area and maintaining a search zone for cloaked bozo ships.

That's a negative.  Proceed with the rest of the fleet as the Admiral ordered.  We'll bring up the rear.  Long range scans reveal no incoming ships but we can't be too careful.

Mons out.

We await the coordinates. You have your crewmember back, and look at the condition he is in. We wish to examine AOB as soon as possible to determine if he has been similarily...tampered with.

After deciphering message from Imperial Guard, we can estimate time of arrival to be no more than 24 earth hours from present.  The Imperial guard vessel has requested we do not send reply transmission as it may reveal their present position and trajectory to the Bozos.  Neitzschean escort has broken off from the mission to deal with an unrelated attack on their homeworld, so Imperial ship is going it alone.  Further encrypted message was attached at a later time....attempting to decode.

1 + 1 = 3.245   correct
2 divided by 0 = 1.4563  correct
a + b not equel to b + a    correct

Intropy can be reversed.

Our great leader Art Bell became supreme keeper of the true knowledge when he proved that when the Moon landings were faked, because the pictures were missing stars

The Earth is hollow.  There is an enterance into the middle world located in Oregan.

E does not equel MC3

some more drinks so I can keep reading! I may have to set up a headphone system so that Dingo can only hear the logical stuff I am reading to him!!

 If He doesn't improve soon, I will have to bring out the "Principia Mathematica!" No Bozo has ever been able to withstand that one!!

This is getting VERY serious indeed! *shivvering*...

*runs away*

5 minutes

*comes back with a few bottles*

"Name your poison Sunspots.."

peter

SP: Oh wait, hold on a minute.. I was thinking of making him drunk, but that would only make things worse... We *could* give him a few drops of coffee? As a last resort? :lol (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/laugh.gif ):lol

Careful guys.......

A wired bozosity-spewing Dingodude?

I shudder!

May I offer any assistance?

Skyjim
CO

Heck yeah!! Please do help!!

It is spinning out of control!

Peter

I can relieve our librarian and start on the "Principia"!

(seeing his barrage of lame-o jokes did't even phase dingo Nemisis two volounteers)
Can i help, huh?

BTW What happened with Aaron?
Admiral i assumed no response was a yes so my ships are refueling as we speak.

Aaron was abducted too.. :eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek I mean kidnapped... @#%$.. Dingo his rantings are messing with my mind...

Everybody who is willing to aid, just do it! We can't afford to loose him..

Peter

PS: Borg Command, can you produce a report about the current state of Aaron Of Borg?

Spaceballs Unite:  Contact Lord Helmet.  Inform him that he needs to use Super Duper Drive!!!

Contact the USS Boobyprise the garbage ship.....a load of logic needs to be emptied from the recycle bin

Bozo-nanobots....release principles of chaos...execute Bozorama construction phase one, illogic worms phase two.

Liquid conversion in progress....all alcoholic beverages to waterdowned carnival drinks, all coffee to cotton candy..add lots and lots of sleep aide

Institute illogic word rearrangement on all books of logic

Quote: "PS: Borg Command, can you produce a report about the current state of Aaron Of Borg?"

No, we cannot, not until we get him back, which is taking a very long time. We grow impatient.

BTW, if you decide to use the nanoprobes after all, we are not responsible for any illogical consequences that may occur, dingo warned you of the possibility.

Borg Collective, I am not sure what to do with Dingo... HE keeps getting worse...

About AOB... Aren't you receiving a signal from him... is he completely seperated from the collective voice, or do you still vaguely hear his thoughts?

*Opens communicator and punches the Admiral her code, turning button for highest security scrambeling*

"Admiral, this is Peter.... Dingo is worsening, and the Borg Collective is not sure if the probes will not bozofy... We need Aaron on this one... But he is still MIA. Any info about AOB his location? If so, I ask permission to take my subspace motorbike (ok, it ain't a motorbike, but you can expect me to say <<subspace tin can with fast acceleration>> :lol (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/laugh.gif ):lol ) and perhaps attempt to free Aaron? I know the collective can give me tactical advice, and Nemisis2 could stage a diversion? Nobody ever suspects a bartender, so I might be able to sneak in undetected.."

*looks at dingo, and seeing sunspots, mons and skyjim trying to talk into Dingo his rantings*

"Admiral, there is nothing more I can do for Dingo in the current situation.. *sigh* He is being taken care off, but the best we can hope for is stabilization... Without the Borg technology.. *sigh* I dunno, we might loose him..."

"Awaiting command... Peter out..."

Peter

a) hammer on the Principia!

b) invert the stuff we're giving him! Instead of coffee, give cotton candy, etc.

c) {glancing at watch} All ships, raise shields!

d) Borg collective, I have recieved intelligence that indicates that the Imperial Guard will be here with your ship and crew in approximately 6 Terran hours. That will be enough time to avoid the shock wave.

e) Nem, please realize that I only post during non-Terran-work hours. You have performed your duties correctly, thank you for taking the initiative.

f) counting down.....ten...


...nine...


...eight...


...seven...


...six...


All ships, if you have not erected shields, DO SO NOW! THIS IS AN ORDER!!!


...four...


...three...


...two...

You can see the bartender holding the communicator... looking confused..

Widely opened eyes... Tension can be read from his face... He quickely snatches the glass of whiskey from the table, and does an ad fundum...

As if he fears it might be his last if this goes wrong...

In the distance, near the location of what had been the negotiation site, a white-hot spot flares brightly. A rapidly expanding shockwave moves out from the locus, advancing on the departing WAN fleet.

The wavefront impinges the rear of the Fleet, and ships rock violently as it passes through the entire fleet. On the Bridge, a china cup and saucer vibrates its way off the arm of the Captain's chair, smashing to the deck.

As the shock wave passes onward, WAN sensors trained on the origin of the blast detect nothing except some debris, confetti, and shredded balloons floating in the vacuum of space.

(Comm activates and the image of Nemisis2 sitting sideways in chair like kirk appears)
Who and where do i divert?

Sorry Admiral, forgot about that. :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D

The WAN IV is ready for a new assignment, my drones grow weary of sitting here.

We have cleared all major Bozo threats.  We did not take any damage to the Fleet.  Mons since you are Space Girlies second in Command You have full control of  ISS Bozoblaster.  
Mons take the second Squadron behing the debree and hydrogen clouds so that you will be harder to detect.  Await further orders from me.  

Admiral, say the word and I will attack.

Supreme Commander Labatt.

I thought the Bozoblaster was Spacegirlies ship?
Commander Labatt i never made you in command of a WAN starship that had other members on because they are beyond my ability to do that(atleast i think so).

zzzztk... I hate to... zzzkt .... major problems here!  I... zzzkt... loss of main drive, loss of ... zzzkt (static) life support down to ... zzzkt ... nav off line.  Fires on decks 11 through ...zzzkt, buzzzzzz.... oh crud!  and deck 14!!  Blast wave was too muc... zzzkt.  There is a manual over-ride for the helm but ... zzzkt  squak  zzzzkt  Dingo knows how to operate it!!  You .... zzzzkt make him better or we're gonna burn ... zzzkt....

(straps a mental image transfere device to dingos head)
Alright nanoprobes, leave dingo or a marathon of cheesy jokes are going to barrage you for several hours straight.
(Activates joke device and Dingos body starts to shake in convulsions)

What do you get when you cross an owl with a cat?
An owly cat.

What do you call a four armed, ten foot, razor tooth creature?
What ever he wants to be called?

Why can't elephants ride bikes?
Because they have no thumbs to press the bell.

Hey now....wassup with that?  You guys taking over my ship?

I'm not trying to take over your ship, Labatt probably misunderstood something.
But i'm not in charge of any ship stealing.

Labatt send some ship to alternateearth.com/forum/default.asp

In spite of the drinks, I was getting laryngitis! If you will take "The Principia," I will search the Libraryfor more ammunition! Back ASAP!!

Ignorance is bliss.....incorrect....
Knowledge root of all evil...incorrect
Manual override button is located in kitchen.  Click refrigerator light button 3 times in rapid sucession, followed by turning leftmost oven to selfclean....correct
Logic and illogic are both needed, to prove logic....correct
Beware Bozo Intellegence Command..they drained my mind have all my weapons recipies, and defence recipies...correct
Bozo Senior Comand is as smart as us.  The hide logic behind illogical statements to control the masses....correct
Bozo nanobots can not be assimulated due to logic behind Chaos princilple.  They can be tricked with illogic, based on logic...correct
Art Bell just mouthpiece behind real Bozo High command...correct
Bozo Nano-bots are designed to home in on logic....incorrect
Bozo High command has no desire for WAN space....they just want to be left alone in their space....correct
All Bozo intellegence's agents have one draw-back...they always drink Martinias..shaken, not stirred....correct
Bozo-nanobot counter agent is as follows:
1 imperial gallen of Siriun Ice Tea, immdiately followed by 3 pots of SuperBush coffee...correct
Bozo-bots discovered that influence of logic active...activating
Long Live Art Bell protocalls

Thanks guys!  Dingo came out of that with not a second to spare!  I've got most of the BozoBlaster's systems on manual.  I need a sector name to rejoin the rest of the fleet!

Spacegirlie, I could use your help up on the bridge here.  There's a lot of manual inputs to do!

How's is Dingo doing?  If what he says is true, we need to change all of his security codes.

Mons

(skreech)  Institute WAN security override code Dingopup:

(skreech)  WAN ship control override activated

(crackle) WAN override activation achived

(skreech) Set course fartherst side from Bozo space in WAN sector....Course locked in....lockout of controls achived...

(crackle)  Engage: send all WAN ships away from our border...max speed.


(skreech) lock borders.......Institute sector dimentinal transference....this sector of space is inhabited by logical beaings...lets go home back to our own dimention.....Activate


A bright flash occurs, as a whole sector of space disappears

Mons - glad you're coming through clearly!

Do you require any assistance?


Skyjim
CO, WAN III

Have you administered the antidote to Dingo?

Wanda who passes by hears the question about Peter, takes a piece of paper and writes "He is gon for the momend... zomething to do with AOB... But heare is a paper with the insdructionz"

Wanda smiles (intended to look friendly, but a Panda showing all her teath somehow doesn't look very appealing)

Wanda The Panda

We grow more impatient. Return AOB immediatly, or we will break off our diplomatic aggrement and begin assimilating all your vessels until we find him. And no, we cannot hear his thoughts, he is still in the stasis field.

Borg Collective -- Doctor Peter has gone on a very dangerous journey to retrieve Aaron as soon as possible. He is using his cosmic cycle, and will have to traverse space near the shock wave we just rode out. I expect him back at any time now. Please be patient a little while longer.

Skyjim and Sunspots, if I understand Dingo's ramblings correctly, we need to  be using a complete illogic to defeat the nanites! Drop the Principia, and let Nem at him with the jokes!

And for whatever it's worth, we don't need to worry about the bozos having gotten Dingo's recipes. 8) (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/glasses.gif )8) He and I had discussed the possibility some time back, and so I instituted Plan Ultimate Outgassing, when I sent them the cookbook.

PUO consists of an additional, final recipe: all of the others combined. The end result, Dingy and I estimated, was a massive, superquasar chain reaction. And knowing the bozos, they couldn't resist trying it....

and so we saw the result. :) (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif ):)

Please tell Wanda that I think panda smiles are adorable. I like her. She can serve th' ol' Admiral electric lemonades anytime.

:) (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif ):)

(Hearing the admiral say that about his jokes, Nemisis2 rushes out of the room)
Be back in a jiffy Amiral, left my lamest of lame joke book aboard the minion station in alternateearth space.
(Hoppes in the ISS Streak and dissaperes in a flash of cheapy circa 1930 space effects)

Since the Bozo Blaster is part of the Interstellar Fleet, I ordered Mons to take control of Space Girlie's ship, for she could not be found, and we did not have the luxury of time.

I have sent 3 jacked up flyers to the Quadrant u told me to send to.  I call these babies Wraithes on Steroids!  Thanks Ding for supplying the flyers some "drugs" ;) (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/wink.gif );)

you are aware, are you not, that Dingo is currently under the influence of the bozos? He is fighting it, but I wouldn't quite trust anything he gave you.....

(Wormhole opens out come the ISS Streak, the ship docks and out step Nemisis2 carrying an ominous looking book, bozo meters start actviating as the unfunnyness and illogic of these jokes pass by them.
Nemisis2 sits by Dingo pops his fingers and opens the book)
What has four legs and is always ready to travel?
An elephant.

Whats the difference between and elephant and a loaf of bread?
Well if you can't tell the difference i'm definitly not sending you out for a loaf of bread.

Whats yellow and rides a horse?
The lone banana.

What did the lone ranger say when he hopped on his wooden horse?
Hi-yo splinter.

Whats big, gray and stomps out fires?
Smokey the elephant.

What do you get when you mix a lion with a rat?
An eaten rat.

Why was Lincoln not worried about losing his game?
Because he had already four scored.

What do you get when a liar goes in space?
An astro-not.

What do you get when a liar starts exploring the galaxy?
A cosmo-not.

Whats big and has a bunch of colors on it?
An elephant hiding in the M&M bag.

(Nemisis2 stops there as these jokes are starting to get funny and thats not a good sign)

Wanda carefully listening to the jokes takes a piece of paper and writes a question for Nemisis2:

"Nemiziz2, whot is the diffferense between [strike]having secs[/strike] making love and paying with your Playstazion?"

*grins*

Wanda (replacing for Peter who is still in search for AOB)

Spacegirlie is back in command of the ISS BozoBlaster.  Right now she's down in the engine room, trying to restore some of the guidance automated systems.

Status Report:
Massive internal damage to automated systems ship wide.  Carrier is now on manual control.  Repairs underway.  Engines returned to full power.  We are gaining on the fleet and should be in formation within the hour.

That's the good news....

The bad news is I'm out of rum and cigars and, don't tell Spacegirlie but we're out of Crown too.  When she finds out, she's gonna kill me!!

End Report
Mons  0926017;44

(Nemisis2 reads the note, thinks for a minute then tries to come up with a witty yet funny come back. He begins writting on another piece of paper and leaves it for Wanda)
You don't have to cuddle the Playstation afterwards. :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D :o (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/embarassed.gif ):o :o (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/embarassed.gif ):o

Wanda looks at him imagining what his playstation has gone through during its rough existance... :eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek :eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek
Perhaps they are correct when they say "Don't ever underestimate the power of playstation

And because cuddling is such a witty and funny remark I shall count it as being a good answer ...

(Normally people say no, so you can answer "If you don't know that, stick to playing with the playstation!)

Should have guessed you would reply with something like that :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D ;) (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/wink.gif );)

The PAIN, The PAIn....Those jokes are worse than Bozo Intellegence forced me to listen too.

I have the Nanobots under control inside me for the time being....

Request the following Books be printed and brought in here:

The difinitive encyclopedia of Mold spores...
Every long winded boring book we have in the library.
Bozo's thrive on illogic, and love to argue against logic, but they hate things boring and dry

All those present in sickbay/security have been affected by Bozo nanobots

Lets just say it's been ravaged more times then never. :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D

(Nemisis2 hearing Dingo's coherent words saying that he and everyone else maybe effected by the nanobot rushes to the ISS Streak to grab a can of Bat-Nanobot repellent, then has a idea)
Dingo you may be free yet.
(Pulls t.v. in sick bay and makes Dingo watch a marathon of Batman and any other show that continually label everything and had such qu*er color schemes)

O.k., the first one that comes to mind is "A Tale of Two Cities!"   YUK!!

  How about:

   "Genetic Classifications of Fruit Flies in America"
   "The Importance of Square-Headed Horseshoe Nails in the Battle of Gettysburg"
    "A Qualitative Analysis of Sand Grains in the World's Deserts"
    "1001 Things to Do With A Used Postage Stamp"
 
   I think I can scrape up some less fascinating subjects if needed!!

(Capt. Skyjim lays down his Dostoyevsky novel - highly effective at nanobot neutralization, though not without ponderous literary merit)

Mons - We have dispatched a transwarp cargo pod at maximum velocity to match your trajectory.

All three items you requested, plus some propulsion spares, are aboard.


WAN III looks forward to your arrival in fleet formation!

Skyjim
CO, WAN III

Any news from Peter?

As the millions of voices (collective) fade through the comm channel, a small dot seems to enter the ship... (camera zooming in) "Guys, it is me, I got AOB here.... also, I managed to pick up some more Borg stuff.... AOB will be able to identify them when he has recovered...."

"People, we got our favorite Borg back!!"!!!!

Peter

PS: Had to remain in radio silence because it was a secret mission...

(Hearing the good news, Nemisis2 pops the top of a champaigne bottle but the cork flys across the room and smacks the thruster button and the ship speeds off uncharted. Lost in space theme starts playing from nowhere)
Errr... sorry guys, hehehe.
Activate the starmap thingy, we just got warped somewhere, hehehe.

(Runs out of the room)

I know he is under the influence, but I suppervised the entire upgrade very carefuly.  I assusre you Admiral Tha..........Wait Admiral it seems their is a Bozo Signature, Im readin Massive amounts of ships. I am trying to locate the exact location........Its comming from SDC!  Admiral I am sending 4 Squadrants Immediatly to SDC for precautionary Measures.  Captain Nem we better get their right now.  Captain SkyJim we may need the W.A.N III'S help.  Stand by at full alert.

Fleet head out!

WAN III at Condition Two, all sensors and weapons ready - but will not be able to enter bozospace uncloaked....

Skyjim
CO

Somebody go get Nem sobered up, drop out of warp, and the crewmembers tending to Dingo are quarantined until we get everything de-Bozofied.

Meantime, we still have an unidentified bozonic mole in our midst, somewhere.

Peter, I do hope our favorite Borg (no offense intended to the Collective; we just know him best) is in good shape?

The ship is maintaining course, but in normal space.

All systems operational.

Quarantine protocols remain in effect.

Debozofication of exposed personnel continues.

(Broadcasting from Quarantine Area, Deck 14)

Skyjim
CO, WAN III

Well, he looked fine to me... All sensory data said he was okay...

...but, he still hasn't spoken to someone...

...that red light next to his eyes -you know, the one that is always shining straight into your eyes when he looks at you- was burning..

He is regenerating now, so perhaps we will see him in a little while... (Still hope to hear his views and experiances...)

Peter

Message to Command:

Repairs to the Carrier are almost complete.  We should be a full operation in a matter of hours.  We stand ready to assist in what ever way we're needed.

If there are any crew members that would like to transfer to the BozoBlaster, we could use them.

Mons out.

(Portal opens, out falls Nemisis2 who procceeds to stumble around the room)
Labatt, who'z tha' bozo?
Me things your seeing tings.
(Robot cq21 runs up and injects a metabolizer)
Hehehe, gotta watch out for that.
Who's doing bozous activity?

(leaves toward ISS Streak)

Admiral,
Suggest contact HQ.  Instigate border containment Priority one.  Even though we thought we were prepared for possible capture, and had made preperations, Bozo Intellegence HQ was able to drain all correct recipies for our weapons from my mind.  After 48 hours of having V V and V droned uninterupted into my mind, I broke.
The explosion of the negotiation ship was staged by the Bozo's.  They are masters of stage production, misdirection, misinformation.
Bozo command is well armed....they have a new weapon...the "Rito" pie.  They have no desire for our sector of space, All of their offensive energy is directed to sector SDC.  They have massive defensive systems, as I was able to break into their system, when they thought they had me turned to their side.  They have whole fleets of circus tents, trained seals, and colleges filled with clowns.
They have a few operatives within our fleet.  ID's are unknown at this time. I was unable to access that information.  They are prepared for the Borg, incase of another intrusion by that race.  Something I do not understand called a individuality virus, that they are capible of unleashing into to collective, the next time the Borg invade their space.
Well I off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz....Because because because...the wonderful things he does

It is about time. No offense taken as to him being 'favorite'. We will retrieve him to our vessel to examine him, he has been severed from the collective for several days, and also in stasis. We do not know what that will do to his systems.

*Borg cube appears and transports AOB directly from the regeneration chamber to another one on the cube.*

(A beat up ISS Streak enters OrstioSpace and tries to dock)
Admiral, they've struck first by banning my IP address, am trying to recover it but my drones are taking heavy casualties am preparing to use my cyber-mage abilitys and personally get it back.

Yes they called him the streak....fastest thing on two feet...hmmm what is this,  the vent is open, so quarentine is compromised....lets see if I can go explore this maze....hehehehe.....long live Art Bell....hehehehe...lets program the food dispenser to only serve cotten candy and circus peanuts....hehehehehehehe

(Nemisis2 starts chasing after Dingo with more Batman episodes)
You asked for it nano-bots, prepare for more cheesing acting mixed with poor writing and childish dialogue

Hmmm maybe we could use a llogic llama around here.
From www.mesaridgeranch.com/ht...lingo.html (http://www.mesaridgeranch.com/html/llama_lingo.html)

Quote:

---

From a practical standpoint, llamas are great guard animals.  They are used to protect sheep, goats and other livestock.  Their curiosity combined with the camelids naturally aggressive behavior toward members of the canids (carnivorous mammals that include the wolf, coyote, jackal, fox and dingo), make them effective protectors of their "adopted" herds.  Guard llamas bond with their flock (herd) and defend their territory.  They do not need to be trained for this.  Studies have shown that they significantly reduce losses from canids.

---

Nothing personal to dingo. I always thought llamas were cool. It could be like a police dog but bigger. We could also weave its fur and turn a profit.

We have revived AOB from regeneration. Apparently, he was infected with the said 'individuality virus', perhaps combined with his being severed from the collective anyway, he was very disoriented and confused. He resisted us examining him, and we had to sedate him and re-assimilate several parts of his biology, including memory repression and individuality. We will observe him for a bit longer, then return him to you.

Has anyone seen Nerd57_Laughi?
Haven't seen him here or at SDC in several days now.

Oh...how pretty someone is chasing me...lets see, here is some vegitable oil to let him slip......wow super glue....lets see as he slips on the oil and then gets stuck...cool another vent, wonder what this room is....E..N..V..I..R..E..M..E..N..T.....C..O..N..T..R..O..L....
Hey this crew is so silly....ahhhh just the thing to make them laugh...Nitrix Oxside...Laughing Gas, well lets turn it wide open, and break the handle off.....hahahahahahaha...this stuff is so fun......wonder where this cooridor leads to.....Kitchen, and Fuel Storage....here is a big bag of something.....S...U...G...A...R.....and a small barrel...M...O..L..A..S..S..I..S  what will happen if I add them to the fuel,  make a wonderful additive I think, lets add them to it and find out...........Hmmmmhere someone coming....lets duck into this room.....wow full of striped kitty cats.....yuck, they have a powerful oder, there is a sign....weapons launching units...S...K..U..N..K..S....hmmm chase these kitty cats into that airduck over there....woof woof...there they go...what a smell...need to get out of this room......going down the hallway see someone approaching...duck into this room...door says A..D...M..I...R...A..L..S.....Q..U..A..R...T..E...R..S...  wonder what an admiral is...WOW a tree, I needed a restroom........ahhhhhhhhhhh that feels better.....crosses the hallway...says  D..I..N..G..O..S....Q>.U..A..R..T..E..R..S....entering,spots a DOGHOUSE...Beddie bye time,  getting sleepy.....Woooow this metal maze just jerked and sputtered...wonderwhy...well I will crawl into here, and get some sleep....Long Live Art Bell

I am now positive that they are closing to SDC.  Check all your censors!  The Bozo signiture is unidentified.  I am heading their right now my self.

Captain to crew:

Dingo is now safely confined to his doghouse and the medical staff has him under deep sedation, administered after the initial sleepfield activation in his "quarters".  He will be awakened under gentle but firm restraint upon Dr. Peter's orders only!  The holding cell on Deck 14 is to remain under continuous guard by a minimum security detail of four crew.  Bozon containment fields remain activated around holding cell and completely enclosing deck 14.  

"Well done" to security for your surveillance of Dingo on his little jaunt - the use of the holodeck to simulate the ship was a brilliant ploy!   No harm to systems, and now we have a better handle on the behavior of an officer subjected to the horrors of implanted bozosity.  This information is of utmost importance to the Fleet Medical Branch.

Skyjim
C.O., WAN III

I just had a strange plan, but it might just work...

Dingo is pro-Art Bell in every sense, but what if Art Bell himself would tell him that Logic is the best a bozo can have? And by giving him logic, Dingo will learn his old values again, and resist the Bozo feelings!

Problem: We don't control Art Bell
Solution: We have a A very intelligent person on board, who ... yes... *keeping tension in the room* ... can shapeshift!!!!!

Haha!

If Yales could (and would, because it can't be easy to do) shapeshift into Art Bell personification (whatever that may be), then he could control Dingo, and make him logical once again?

Peter

The aethist known as ezrakind is (laughingly) trying to point out (i'm a christian but i don't believe hime) things that make no sense.

Labatt active patrols one and three keep a look out and report all bozonious activity.

Admiral, i'm having negotiations with the venusons(Venusdaystar), will report the out come.

We posted at the same time :cool :cool .

Hey we could always have him sing i'm a little tea cup before we actually change him back. :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D

(Nemisis2 activates trans-dimensional warp vortex)
Admiral, i'll be leaving on an away mission until sunday.
This mission is very important to the rank of Nemisis2 in the BSA(Bionic scuba-divers of america? :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D) so theres not way out of it.

Goodbye untill sunday.
Labatt, watch my ship and Minion outpost(do you know where that is?), Science officer Odezy will brief you on it's location.

I'll be gone around six. :( (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/frown.gif ):( :( (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/frown.gif ):(

Enjoy your trip nemisis2!

Peter

Thanks, i will.

BTW Peter theres a bunch of strange creatures dancing on your dance floor.

:eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek :eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek :eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek :eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek :eek (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/eek.gif ):eek

Better go look then...

(http://www.paradigmclock.com/graphics/Logos%20for%20Websites/Art%20Bell.jpg)

Good Morning my friends out there in Radio Land!
Lets take our first call...

*CLICK*  Art, I just heard that the Earth is hollow! We think that there is gravity because the Ancient Alien Astronauts use GIANT MAGNETS to attract all the IRON in our BLOOD! These magnets are what make it so hard to launch rockets! Should we build PLASTIC ROCKETS? Should I drain all my BLOOD?
Why do they talk through the metal plate in my HEAD???

-- Well, caller... I suggest that you up your medications. It may also make sense for you to place your head in a foil-lined plastic bag (sealed carefully around the neck)
Its time that you and my loyal legion of listeners foreswear your bozosity, apply a liberal dose of  LOGIC and use your brains as if they composed of more than sour oatmeal.
-----------------------------

Ready to take more calls...

Art LogicKing Bell

*whispering*

"I think it is working... keep it up..."

Dingo strains at his restraints......Must attack fake Art Bell...Must attack fake Art Bell.....Use of word by our leader Art Bell proves that the identity of this creature is not our glorious and madnificant leader Art Bell....Our glorious leader will never degrade himself by utilizing the word "Bozoiod"

Dingo's eyes take on a red hew, and it starts foaming at the mouth, the restraints are strained beyond the breaking point as he breaks free.  He starts clawing at the door, as ribbons of steel start piling in front of the hole he is digging into the door....Must dispose of the imposter

Long Live ART BELL

Injecting sleeping gass into chamber...

@#%$... Yales, try to be more convincing! Call the website and radio room and all the bozo claims a conspiracy to hide the logical truth.. :) (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif ):)


Peter

PS: Errr... this door is looking mighty thinner now..
*moves chair away from chamber door just to be safe

When you guys get Dingo back to normal, umm... could you tell him to check out the weapons bay.  I had a little, just a tiny accident.  Thanks!

Mons

... on Deck 14? Do I need to present myself to sickbay for decontamination, or was my proximity to Logic and Bad Jokes enough to keep me from being infected?

    Will remain here until I get word...

If you found four or more lame jokes funny to where you smiled hard or snickered, report to the sickbay immeadiatly. :D (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif ):D

The Bozo Nano-bots, sensing sleep gas, go into hyperdrive and counter act the effect....Dingo, feeling hungry, angery at an inposter in the midst, opens the secret storage space in his doghouse. and pulls out his trusty door opener.  He projects a plaid dressed photographer knocking on the door, and the sound goes out ship wide.  In a deep scottish burr...I have been hired to take pictures of a crew member named Yales, is he available for pictures???

We have examined him throughly, and have repaired the damage. Can you take him back now, or does the quarintene and current situation forbid it?

A security officer activates the holding cell stunner system, and Dingo crumples to the deck, as a final, anguished cry escapes the lips of the projected figure:

"Ach!  Ye canna change the laws o' physiiiicss!!"

 The Captain activates his comm circuit, for a moment forgetting he is working from an improvised console on deck 14.

 "Captain to medical officer.  We may have to try another tack, Pete. Bridge - er, I mean, captain out."

"Captain to Sarah90 - librarian, you'd best join us here until we have this sorted out.  Low probability of infection, but we need to be cautious.  Captain out."

"Captain to security.  Escort Sarah90 from the ship's library to Deck 14 quarantine area.  Use of stunners authorized on any crewmember attempting to leave quartantine until further notice.  Extend a third B/F containment field around all command, control, weapons, and engineering spaces."

"Captain to bridge.  Maintain security alert level I.  Any crew member exhibiting irrational behavior is to be stunned immediately and transferred to quarantined area.  Continue subliminal broadcast of mathematical texts shipwide.  Captain out."

The Captain activates his hailing circuit.

"WAN III to Borg Collective.  We are pleased to hear of your succes with Aaronofborg.  Please delay his transfer while we deal with our infected crew members.  WAN III, out."

Heading down to Deck 14 via the service ducts to avoid possible contamination of any personnel lingering in hallways, if I am affected. It's bad enough having Dingo all whacked out, we don't want to take any chances with anyone else!

 (Librarian crawls into service ducts, gets to Deck 14 level and listens for the Captain's voice through the air duct system. She pops out of vent near Skyjim, replaces grate, and shakes dust off.)

O.k., I'm good to go!!

(The Captain blushes furiously and returns suspots4ever's salute.)

My apologies for mispeaking, sunspots4ever.   I was communicating with Sarah90 on another channel just before my call to you....

Welcome to quarantine central.

"Captain to security.   Belay the escort order for Sarah90."

We will keep AOB here. It will help him get used to being back with the collective, anyway. Inform us when you wish to have him returned, and if we can be of any help with your problem.

We do about the Bozo's in SDC?  We are all here and Nemisis has given control of his ship and Minion outpost1 until sunday.

Lay low, Labby. With any luck nothing will happen until Nem gets back. Just lay low....keep me posted.

Got ya Admiral.

Waking up from the stunning....decides to take a different tact.  Going into his doghouse, he opens up a special compartment, and takes out a bottle of "Dave's Insanity Sauce...Private Reserve"  Taking a swig from the bottle, his mouth explodes in extreame heat.....yep still fresh.  Pours a small circle, it cuts a hole into the deck...Dropping through the hole, he lands in the kitchen on Deck 15...Pushing the red button marked "DO NOT PUSH" he seals the kitchen off from all sensors,  scanners. and stunners.  All hatches are sealed..he lights up the stove, and prepares a special meal for the crew.  Sending the gormet meal to the dining area, he observes the crew enjoying his wonderful meal and smiles.  He then pushes the Red Button again, unsealing the kitchen, and hops up on top of the stove to the top of the fridge.  Jumping back through the hole into his doghouse, he covers the whole with a piece of decking used for emergancy repairs.  curls back up, and goes back to sleep like he is stunned...now this crew will have such fun...no holodeck this time, and this is no dream..last thing, he hacks into the communications network, and changes the sublimital logic broadcast to one of illogic....this crew forgets that my hearing is ranged up to the point that I hear sublimital messages....Long Live Art Belll .....zzzzzzzzzzzzz

We are detecting large leaks of illogic onboard your vessel. Check your communications systems...we are picking up some unusual signals...

Captain Skyjim sits down at breakfast, takes a sip of his tea, and clutches his throat....

   He manages to activate his comm circuit and, in a strangled, hoarse whisper, croaks "Red Alert!  Foodstuffs contaminated!  Call the admiral...........Emergen...... Aghh!"

  The captain slumps to the deck, unconscious.  

Pete! Get over here and help the Captain! He's down!

Dang it - Dingo's been at the comm, too. He forgets my Avian hearing can detect the high frequencies just like his. Well, lemme see here....

(Adm goes to nearest service panel in hangar deck, jimmies open, and plays with the circuitry thus revealed.)

OK, there. That takes care of....
(All subliminal messages go down. Comm is quiet.)

Now, for a little adjustments to the food distribution...
(Studies panel for a few seconds, then begins more modifications.) Urf. Mmmmm...yeah, that one. Lessee....got it.
(Soft hum begins, as WAN III obeys her Admiral and begins replacing Dingo's special delights. Adm moves to comm.)

OK, crew, please replace all your food with the latest out of the distribution system. Toss the old stuff into the engine intake.
(Noticable boost in thrust evident.)
There we go. Now, let's check on something....

(Pulls up computer schematics of WAN III.) AHA! THAT explains it! Dingy's quarters are RIGHT over the weapons bay/kitchen! (Slaps comm switch) SECURITY!!! Place a force field completely around Captain Dingo's quarters IMMEDIATELY! Walls, ceiling, and floor! I want that field frequency- and amplitude-variant, set on a random-number generator! Base it on a mathematical system combining pi, the square root of two, and the square root of -1, in a 25th-order polynomial! NOW!!!

(The Admiral turns to the group in the hangar bay, as the positive response comes in from Security, "Field established, Admiral. Per your orders." The Admiral leaves the comm on Fleet-wide broadcast.)

Peter, how's Skyjim?

All right, people. Enough is enough. I have had it with these bozoid nanites. I feel quite confident that the secret recipes of the WAN Fleet did NOT fall into the hands of the Bozo Command, but we cannot have Dingo wreaking havoc on the ship. It lends a whole new meaning to the phrase, "let loose the dogs of war."

Obviously, logic is not working here. And I think I understand why. These nanites are, after all, machines. Machines must function on logic at some level, or they will not function at all. Therefore, we must overload them with illogic.

All crew, return to your quarters. Pull out any party favors, Halloween costumes, whatever you have, spend ten minutes preparing yourselves. We are about to bombard the bozoid nanites with more illogic than even Art Bell himself could manage. After all, we know our logic - all we have to do is the opposite.

All ships, institute Operation: CounterIntelligence, on my mark.

Three...


Two...


One...


MARK!!!!!

(Librarian broadcasts the ships' copy of "Plan Nine From Outer Space" over vid screen ship-wide to flush out any nanobots loose in the hallways, and digs out a tomato costume from a dusty closet in the library...)

We will be staying far away from your vessel...inform us when you are restored, and let us know if you need any help. We are not capable of illogical attacks, however.

Noticing that the sublimitals are no longer broadcasting...Dingo wakes up....removing the hull plate to the hole to the kitchen, he is stopped by a force field...he become fustrated as all of his skills are to not, and he is unable to pass the force field.  He attemps to bypass the comm equipment to make a ship wide broadcast...and his attempt fails.  Understanding the danger he is in, he directs the nano bots to take extream measures...they destoy all sensors and broadcast equipment in his quarters.  Preventing any incoming communications, and broadcasts.  He then directs them to form a feedback barrier against the force field.  Using illogical algarithems to create an additional force field to prevent enterance into his quarters..he then prepares a time surprise.  After the surprise is ready, he orders the nano bots to selfdestruct.  As the bots destroy themselves, Dingo's memory is altered, and the surprise is forgotten, as well as all activities that has taken place sense his capture.  The second force field collapes as the last bot completes it's self destruction.  Dingo collapeses in critical condition.... The Bozo level is down to zero

Science Officer Odezy has briefed me on the wearabouts of Minion Ooupost1.  We have reached it and have established a level 3 defensive peremiter.  The Bozo fleet is moving steadly to our location.  W.A.N IV is getting patched up along with some of the interstellar fleet.  I will keep you posted Admiral.

Labatt out.

pub80.ezboard.com/feverythingspacefrm6.showMessage?topicID=259.topic (http://pub80.ezboard.com/feverythingspacefrm6.showMessage?topicID=259.topic)

Using the last posting powers I can control...

"You guys have been, and allways shall be... my friends!'

Peter

PS: Expect to be online in 2-3 days... So forgive my dramatic statement :lol (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/laugh.gif ):lol

To fit into story line: *Knowing what the effet of the bozo nanaobots is, the bartender takes out his secret stach of whiskey... Emptying the bottles in a matter of minutes....

"If I can't controll my brain, nor will Art Bell!" shouts the barkeep, going into instant delirium..."

This is how the doc got knocked out...*

Peter

PS: Feel free to let Wanda act... she is immune to bozo thougts... Being an overintelligent Panda...

Pete out.... bye

Thanks Pete, and we shal always be Friends!

Wanda dahling!...(says Sarah90 as she enters in fluffy socks)...Gets drawn by Yalie's Giant Magnets...toddles forth and locates Art Bell;  (then looks deep into Dingo's eyes...Ooops, ain't 'Librarian' - that's Sunspotfever/Matahari !

(Sarah departs, tiptoeing softily - cos she has fluffy socks - courtesy of Wanda... ... ...

Oops!  Didn't ask for permission to come aboard at all, at all! in the first place?   O...ohh!   Could be in Big Trouble !)

(Portal opens, out steps Nemisis2. He's followed by the altered mighty mouse theme, causing any crew on the verge of being illogiced to snap out of it by the annoying music)
I'm back, Admiral need de-briefing on current events/pending missions that may require the WAN fleet.

Is it safe yet?

Amiral, my portal to SDC space is somehow being jammed by bozo illogic devices, i no longer have the ability to maintain a permanent hold into SDC space.
I'm trying to install a dimensional anchor but it's not working.

Labatt, bring the WANIV into OrstioSpace, i have a feeling it's gonna be here for a while.

Decon crews prepare a holding tank for Nerd57 he's been bozofied and needs help, Laughi and the Dracone are bringing him here.

Everyone but us seems to be infected in some way. We are recalling all of our vessels to Borg space, and are monitoring AOB very closely...

Our personal picture is now working. One problem solved at least.

(As Nemisis2 rounds a corner a nanobot get him, he begins to tell jokes but without telling the punch lines.
He runs up to skyjim and barrages him with even more meaningless jokes then what he'd been telling)

Why'd the turtle cross the road?

Why is a elephant gray?

PO IS HERE!!!

Either that or someones playing a sick joke, right now he's logged in.
(With that Nemisis2 slips back into bozosity)

[My name is Termina, Nemy! Nerd's ship is the Draconis. Laugi is a member of the Dracone race! Ohh, he can't get my name right! I'll destroy the Universe!]
"Quiet! Give me remote control of the Draconis. We have to fly her over to OS AES while we stay in SDC. Ohh Gesuit, I'm confused..."

Meanwhile, in AES:
"PO! You are my HERO! I want to nuke my way into space too! Its harmless! And what's with all these damned eco-wackies? Don't they understand that its the only way to travel in space? Regardless of the fact that the ship I'm using is a billion times more efficient?"

[Oh dear "Matt". Its worse than we thought!]
"Matt? Whose Matt? Uber-being Matt?"
[No matter, we have to get him to OS]

(Accidently saying a joke that has no answer, nemisis2 manages to fight the nanode)
Laughi...keep back...illogic nanodes taking over crew...
(Starts going into a illogical trance)
Art is good
Art is wise
Ummmmmmmmm
Art is good
Art is wise
Ummmmmmmmm

Whaaattzzz that? *hick* I maby drunk azz hell, but I can still aim... *hick* a bit..

PO here??

*rams 2 cartridges in the holes of his shotgun*

AH! I zee him now!

*aiming at silouette of suspected PO*

*pulls trigger*

*Cloud of little metal balls blast a wall decoration next to Nemisis2*

"Zhit, missed him...AH... tis only Nem... *hick* Nem is okay... nems jokes not okay... but Nem more important than his jokes! AHA loggick!! Me not affected by bozobots... *hick* NOwwhere wazz POo?"

*Peter stumbles against the wall, looks surprised, and then stumbles farter through the corridor... *

Peter

Ummmmmm
Art is good.
Could've sworn i saw him.
Art is wise.
Ummmmmm

(Nemisis stands up after Pete shoots at him, looks around and heads off toward his ship trying to fight the bozobots)

Hmmmmmm
Art might not be good.
Art might not be wise.

The DTV Draconis suddenly blinks in from AES space, appearing in a cloud of BOZONTIUM, carried with it through the blink.
[Ohhh, I didn't know think that would happen.]
"SOG! SOGING SHIP! WAN! PUT UP YOUR DEFENSES! THE BOZONTIUM MAKES YOU BELIEVE THAT IT IS ELEMENT NUMBER 150! I REPEAT, IT MAKES YOU BELIEVE IN THE CYDONIA FACE! RUN! RUUUUUUN!" Laugi screamed at the top of his lungs.

Meanwhile, on the Draconis:
"I'm a little Nuclear device! Destructive and stout!
This is my trigger, this is my snout!
When I get too hot, hear me shout,
'You have three minutes left to live'"
"Ahh nukes, the only way to fly!"

[Dear me! Someone PLEASE help him! Nemy! I know you can save him Nemy! You're the BEST Nemy!]
"NOT AGAIN!"

*The Borg send out a probe, not a probe ship, just a probe, about the size of a standard photon torpedo. It flies using normal warp flight, for fear the Bozos may tap into the transwarp conduits. As it approaches the WAN, it sends an automated message:*

We are sending you more nanoprobes. We are sending three types, they are as follows:

1. Basic probes, programmed to seek and destroy Bozo probes using conventional physical attack. They do not assimilate the probes.

2. Neural probes, designed to shut down brain functions. Helpful if sedatives do not work. May be used in conjunction with group 1.

3. Security probes. Specialy designed for this event, these probes do not require a living organism. They can be released into a ship environment. They will use minute amounts of ships elements to reproduce themselves at a high rate. Upon finding Bozos or any Bozo elements, including probes, they swarm it and construct a physical barrier around it, containing it until WAN crew can neutralize it.

Use them as you will. We are not responsible for any anti-nanoprobe securities the Bozos may have.

Institute Bozo Nano-bot self destruct sequence Alpha 1..... Execute Code "Art Bell is King" Execute Execute Execute...As Dingo passes back out from sever injuries.
.
.
.
.
.
All Bozo Nano-bots self-destruct. All infected crew members pass out in extream pain

(Nemisis2 takes a step forward and crumples to the ground, electrical energy is flasing around the general area as the nanobot self-destruct)

What's going on around here?  It's like being trapped inside a Jiffy-Pop bag!

Skyjim awakens in sickbay with a start, as blazing pain recedes......

 Medical staff lie on the floor or collapsed onto their work stations, alive but inconscious.  

Whatthehell??????

Skyjim staggers from his bed and activates a comm console.

"Attention all stations!  This is the Captain.   I need status reports and numbers of incapacitated crewmembers!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH! THE FACE IS RE... RE... FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!" Nerd57 screamed as he collpased to the ground. His blood boiled and his stomach churned as his nanobots came under attack from the electrical energy of the self-destructive nanobots. Suddenly, he couldn't feel Laugi and Termina. Then Nerd passed out.

The Bozo's are at our positon!  Most of their ships are cloaked including the mother ship.  So far they have ignored all of the W.A.N. Fleet's Hails.  As of now I have my top Engineers working on a way to be able to see the cloaked ships.  It seems the Bozo's have found a newly advanced technology.  Nevertheless, once we can see them what shal we do?

This is not our fault. You did not even use our nanoprobes yet. They could be used to help repair the internal damage caused by the self-destruction of the Bozobots.

Nerd57 slowly regain's consciousness, and with empty eyes, stares at the bridge of his ship. What did it all mean now, his fortunes, his life, his achievements. It all came down to this moment, the end, and all he had been was a trader. No great achievements, no wars to be won. Just a trader. Perhaps this was better.
*No* he heard distinctly. He attempted to speak, but failed.
*Get up! Get up Nerd! You haven't a moment to lose! Live! Live!*
"Who says?" Nerd said, using the last of his energy. He plummeted into the cold hard ground to the complaints of the voice.
*I do! No one knows me anymore. For good reason I suppose. I've been through too many Universe's, all the same, but different, for anyone to know me. You have one day to stand up before I must leave again. If you can stand, I will help you with your dream. I know what it is! Yes I do! I know much about you! You're full name is Nerdast Funfsien und Seben, and you have been sick exactly 44 times.*
The voice continued to tell Nerd about himself as Nerd slowly fell unconscious.

Return to your position at Captain Nemisis's Command.  He can use his top officers right about now.

*Hiccup: Transforms into a clown*

"Tee-Hee!! Ever seen It?"

*Hiccup: Turns into a balloon twisted into a shape of a dog*

"Tee-Hee!! Squeeky Squeeky!"

*Hiccup: Turns into ODeZy*

"OMG IM DRUNK OFF BOZONTIUM!!!"

*Hiccup: Transforms into a clown* :evil (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/devil.gif ):evil

"Muuuu-HaaaaH!!! Yooouuu Will DIE!!! Death to Logic!!!"

*Hiccup: Turns into Odezy*

"Ok, No more Mr.NiceGuy* :evil (http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/devil.gif ):evil

*Hiccup: Turns into a boxeing game*

*Bang Bang Boof "GRRRR!!!" Crash Clump "Ow" Bang Boof Clomp "Tee-Hee"*

"Heeeeeelp!!!!!!!" ]: [img]http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/mad.gif ALT=]:

(SkreecH)  BIC to Agent Dingo...BIC to Agent Dingo...Report...what happened to the Bozo Nano-Bots...We have stopped receiving active signals from said bots.  Also recorded activation of bot self destruct sequence having been activated....REPORT or suffer the wraith of our glorious leader Art Bell.

New orders:  
1. Report to Bozo field command  SDC sector for new duties.  
2. Locate rogue Bozo Fleet...either escort them back to our departed sector for dimentional warp for "reeducation"  it is all we need for one of our demented captains to violate current ceasefire.
3. Locate and start shipments of Pure Capsian Oil.  We have had sucessful tests of captured "Rito" recipies.  Maylox Shielding is highly effective in dispursing energy release effects.
4.  Capture and bring back one ship engineering...spacificly one dealing with atmospheric control to deal with side effects of new weapons.
5.  Failure to comply requires you to report directly to our command HQ for punishment.

Long Live Art Bell

(Nemisis2 wakes up and looks around. Seeing Nerd falling into somekind of depressive state he opens a comm channel)
Nerd, why give up now your a very popular trader here, stick in atleast three dimensions and that should drive off the lonlinesslike depression.

Also your ship is crashing into Minion outpost1

I think I was affected very little by the nanobots, if at all. (Just felt a little tingle, like when your foot's asleep, when they self-destructed.) I am ready for duty.

 Librarian out.

Acknowledged, Sunspots4ever!

The cast moajority of the crew seems to have recovered.  We remain on course for Starbase Orstio, arriving later today Terran.  Thank you for your report.

Skyjim out.

You seem to be doing better. Do not forget about our shipment of nanoprobes. They may still be helpful.

WAN III to Borg Collective.

Greetings, and our apologies for delayed response to your messages.

Please accept our thanks for the nanoprobes - however, we have chosen to allow the situation to continue to stabilize for the moment.  Introducing another variable could be potentially destabilizing at this point.  We hold them in reserve for possible emergency use during our quarantine period upon reaching spacedock.

We are preparing to dock at Base Orstio and will be able to access the extensive shipyard facilities there.

Skyjim
CO, WAN III

"Crashing... crashing... CRASHING?!"
*Oh, and your first computer crashed... OH MY GOODNESS, PULL UP!*
Nerd57 runs over to his control panel, but is knocked to the ground as the Draconis suddenly sweeps up, narrowly missing Minion Station.
"SHASH! Gelp shto!"
*Sorry, got preoccupied. Sog, guess I'll have to go now. I'll see you later. And watch out for any ships that begin hailing on the Frequency...*
"Frequency... frequency... What frequency! WHO ARE YOU!"

*message intercept: decode:
100010100101101101010101010010111010101111101*
*decode:
Nemisis2. This is Nerd57 reporting. I can't feel Laugi or Termina. How are they? I think the electrical shocks knocked out my mind-link. I'd work on reestablishing it, but I'd need Laugi and Termina to be near me too. What are your orders, sir?*

This is the Captain.
Station the special space details!
Prepare for mooring in spacedock one.  

The ship will remain on internal power, and under quarantine pending analysis of the bozobot incident.  No spacedock access will be available until investigation is completed.

All personnel are to observe underway protocols.  Maneuvering watch will be continuously stationed on the bridge.  

Transporters are deactivated, and all docking bays and access hatches are locked and guarded.   No material or personnel transfers are authorized until ordered by myself or Admiral PLC.

Helm, dead slow.  

Align docking reticle on forward display.......

Helm, attitude hold on my mark.

MARK!

"Helm, attitude hold, aye."

hold approach rate 0.3 meters per second.

"Helm, 0.3, aye."

Range to mooring contact?

"100 meters, sir"

Steady as she goes.

Give me a range call at 40 meters, quartermaster!

"Quartermaster, aye, sir."

Helm, you're drifting - Z plus 0.05 meters per second!

" Helm, aye, aye, sir."

"40 meters, sir!"

Thank you.  Helm, good correction.  We're in the box.  Report when autodock signal is received!

"Helm, aye, sir."

Range?

"35 meters, sir."

"Captain from Helm.  I have autodock signal"

Very well.  All stop.  Engage autodock!

"Helm, all stop, aye.  Engaged, sir.  Tractor momentarily"

Captain to crew - prepare for mooring tractor.

(WAN III shudders very slightly as the dock tractor beam establishes contact. )

Deploy bollards!

(A series of mushroom-shaped projections rise from the smooth exterior hull contours.)

"Bollards deployed, sir"

(As the WAN III inches forward under the tractor beam, mooring arms extend from the dock structure to engage the bollards.  A series of small shudders is felt throughout the ship.   A display shows a series of red lights rippling to green)    

"Capture!"

Acknowledged, helm.  Confirm hard docked and locked.

"Docked and locked, affirmative, sir."

WAN III to master, dock one!

"Dock one, recieiving.  We confirm hard dock.  Welcome home!"

Thank you!   WAN III, out.

As soon as quarantine is over would the admiral like us to start work on a wing of long range strike fighters to hunt down bozo convoys carrying capsian oil?

We could help with finding them. We cannot attack them, due to the agreement reached in negotiations, but we could tell you their commonly used routes...

Meteoroid, excellent suggestion. I do feel that the little booby-traps that I placed in the recipes are probably in good shape to prevent them, but let us not be over-confident. Four-man ultraclippers should do nicely. If you would, please begin your design work immediately.

Borg Collective, your intelligence information on this would be MOST appreciated. Bozo and Borg are natural enemies, so it stands to reason that the prevention of bozoid 'rito bombardment would be advantageous to both of us. I thank you.

Recovering from massive injuries of unknown origin..Accessing border monitoring system..Dingo1 sends the following report to Admiral PLC:

Admiral,
I do not remember much since the rescue attempt on you skit.  My mind feels like it been through a ringer.  That last attack on my vessal overwelmed all of my defenses.  I do remimber my last command aboard my little ship was the self destruct before I passed out.  I have fleeting memories of being surrounded by clowns,and hearing the name Art Bell being pounded in my head.
Apparently I was rescued from my little ship.  I have just accessed our border sensors, and they have registered controlled patterns of Super "Rito" explosions systematicly similar to our weapons testing program, but they seem to be launched from a circus tent???  Our sensors do not show any of our ships in the vacinity of those explosions.
I have recorded a strange message in my mail box, from an organisation calling itself the "Bozo Intellegence Command" I do not know who they are, but they have left me some unusual orders.  I have also noted that a copy of our special recipy book has been copied, you know the one with the wrong secret ingrediant instead of "Pure Capsiun Oil" Worst thing is they have instructed me to send them "Pure Capsiun Oil"  That is a highly classified material, and only used in our most damaging weapons.  The message also reports to me that the most highly classified information on our special shielding is in their knowledge base.  Only you, myself and fleet HQ had knowledge of that information, let alone that it exists.  Has Fleet HQ been penitrated by a spy??  Whats going on??

Nerd, do not know what going on with laughin or the termina.
You cannot come aboard as we are in quarintine, report to SDC space as Venusdaystar is preparing to open a full attack on Clifdweller and we may need assitance.

This is Commander Mons aboard the ISS BozoBlaster.  We are coming up on your position.  We will patrol the area until repairs to the WAN III are completed.  When that is done, we need to dock for about 2 hours to take on fuel, supplies and RUM!!!!  Thanks!

Mons out.

Mons, we look forward to a drink in Pete's Place soon!  Well done!

Dingo, it is good to see you back to normal!

We have registered several disturbences in a sector of one of our transwarp conduits...ships have been passing through the normal space that the conduit passes through. The ships are cloaked, which leads us to believe that they are bozo, however, they still disturb the subspace conduits, so we can trace their intrusion. We are sending our sensor logs, edited, translated and simplified for you.