Everything Science Forum

Welcome Aboard!!

Please report to the Cruise Director to sign in, and be assigned to your spacious cabin.

Hey recruiting sargent, have your doctored those recruiting forms so the new folk do not realize they are signing up for a 5 year hitch in the reconstructed WAN military

Cruise Director Celebus, our first new crew members will be reporting in shortly.  Please issue them appropriate attire after they have signed in, and you can direct them to their confortable quarters.

Hey suppy sargent, get ready to issue those rags to our newest officer canidates, and make sure you lock up the holding cells after you get them inside, no mistakes like last time!

HELLO, my this is a big ship! Hay, you there! are you the Cruise Director?
hmm this is giving me a strange feeling{checking to make sure all my hidden weapons are in place}.

Welcome aboard, you need to sign in, here is the forms, just sign here, here and here.

As you boarded, our security scanners have detected that you are packing a few weapons.  As per our policy here in Alpha II cruise line, all weapons must be turned in and placed in the security locker, for the protection of our customer's.  If we run into a situation that requires hand weapons, an unlikely event, they will be reissued to you at that time.  Our scheduled destinations should not take us in harms way.  (Charity's BS detect go's off)

So please turn over the following our detectors have scanned.
Numb-chucks
Throwing Stars
2 slug throwers .50 cal and 9mm
1 laser blaster
12 throwing knives
Garrotts
Ice picks
Switch-blades
Lock-picks
Smoke grenades
All explosives

Ahh, there you have signed.

Lt. Celebus, take this fresh meat down to processing, and have her assigned to Cmd Sunny for training.

The thought of fine wine with breathtaking vistas overlooking the Lito deck, quickly vanish. I wonder what kind of ship this is?
 I pause just inside of training room door, computer banks line one wall, with the bulk of the room a simulator grid, the lights dim...

Looking down at the dark brown stains on my newly issued boots I mutter "Sagwu Agehya tsutla" under my breath, and prepare myself for whats to follow.

Ok, crew report in.  I have been informed as to our first cruise destination.  The beutiful Cancunot Nebula to pick up our first passingers, then proceed to the Beharmus planets.

So step lively and report in.

Oh, we will be conducting Life board drills with the new Mark42 lifeboats



Hope nobody notices the "Lifeboats resemble 5 TT yield rito's

Reporting as ordered Sir. Permission to speak freely Sir?

Cancunot, Sir? I've heard tales of some shady dealing there, and they will do what ever possible to infuse our supplies with Cancunot Hallucinatory Nematodes, which they of course, are immune to. I suggest full containment suites until the passengers have been ..deloused.

BARRrrrrrrrrrap ding Ding DING "LIFE BOAT DRILL"
Grabbing my navational charts, and running off to my assigned boat....OMG a bucket of bolts for a safty pod! This just keeps getting better!

**The hastily pasted sign saying "Life Boat" falls off, and the orginal part listing is displayed:   Mark XXII Rito torpedo, VIN Number 5597-Y2376-AA1X2
Yeild 5 TT.  Effective range 18 Ligntminutes.  Dangerzone 25 Lightminute radus.  Handle with care**

**Noticed is the safety pin is missing, and the armed light is burned out**

{Stareing as my chin hits the floor} Cmn Sunny, are all the lifeboat bays the same? Looking down the corridor, I see the next crew, push the fatefull button. The ship shutters, dear God what have we done? Who have we just opened fire on?

Hmmm...I ain't signing nuffin !   Oy!...Wots on Board ?  OH NO !!!  Not the... "Mark XXII Rito torpedo, VIN Number 5597-Y2376-AA1X2
Yeild 5 TT.  Effective range 18 Ligntminutes.  Dangerzone 25 Lightminute radus.  Handle with care**" "

 Hey...I'm outta here !!!

** As Sarah90 attempts to exit the ship, she triggers hidden alarms.  All hatches slam down preventing her departure.  The ship is tossed around like it was struck by something, then settles back down **

This is your acting Captain, Dingo1.  We have just experienced some heavy space turbulance, but we are through the space weather.  To the crewman who pressed the launch lifeboat button, please report to your section chief.  Life boat drills are drills not actual launches.

** As the mike is left on accidently.  Chief engineer, give me a damage report, and LOCK down those missiles.  We have a limited numberof Mark XXII in stock, and the only backups are the ancient Mark XIII Anti-Bozo rito's which have a shorter range and 10 times the yield.  Communications, have we heard yet from Cancunot on that load of CHN's. And have they made payment to the ship's accounts in Barbankisus.  Also contact Beharmus and see if our company of Catsatopium Assault Troops are ready for boarding.  Lt Col.  WandaT whisperwired me that these are the meanest and deadliest she has trained.  Then contact Admiral PLC, she is being reactivated by MIBHQ.  Now we just need to get more crew and we should be ready to start raiding the MoonLandingHoax planets.

Standing on the beach with the blue/green/gray oozy stuff squishing under my toes, plans of mutiny, cross my mind. Realizing this is neither the place nor time...I let the thoughts simmer.
  I head to a near by tavern :biggulp and try to fade in with the locals, God they are a crude lot! I notice a few dressed in some kind of uniform, and strain to overhear there conversation.
 From what I gather, they are ready to fight.

*** All hands report back to the Alpha II.  Shore leave has been canceled ***

##  Celebus, head down to the hospital and the jail, get our crew members who made the mistake of irritating the locals out and back on board ##

 Sir, the "guests" have arrived. They have quarters set up on deck 4 with holding bay 16 serving as storage. 17 of the "guest" are infected with Cancunot Hallucinatory Nematodes, and are being held isolation.
 One of the guest has registered a complaint, and would like his pet returned.His pet Sir,discovered by the bio-scan, is a highly venomous razor toothed slime squid.
 Commander Sunny has restricted there movement to deck 4, and they seem a bit offended by that.

Thank you for the report.  Keep them isolated.  Please inform our guest that per our policy, venomous pets are not allowed to be free to roam the ship, and it will be returned on the guest's departure.

Care for some Ika-tako sushi

  Why yes Captain, thank you{pretends to eat the sushi, then tosses it behind the chair}. I've noticed the tactical charts are out, Sir. Do you expect some sort of trouble?
  Also Sir, the crew is complaining about the funny taste of the water, systems checks show some algae growth from a unknown source.When I went to inspect the pipes, I noticed major repairs to the system. Some of which are failing.
If its not too very bold of me, may I ask permission to repair the systems that are really going to be important, when we ..ummm confront our destination? Mainly life support, and excape pods Sir.

Lt. Charity,
I always expect trouble.  We are skirting Bozo infested space and we are heading to pick up my wife and son, and their battalion of Catsatopians from one of the worst mudball worlds imagained.  (** Note: Dingo's opinion of a "Pleasure" world is a highly radioactive, mountainous 2.7 gravity hot world for Lava surfing and weapons testing.  A sandy beached, shopping resort planet, is the worst mudball world imagained**) and all of their "gear".
You are authorized to do major repairs on life support systems, and guest quarters.  Escape pods are scheduled for upgrading at the WMD world of Gunsrus, one of my favorate pleasure planets.  Shoreleave will be granted there.

Attention All Passangers and Crew.  Due to an engine problem we have missed making our port of call.  We will be making an emergancy stop at Pete's Place Bar and refuelling depot shortly for repairs.  Thank you for your patience.

*broken mike switch*
What do you mean your sorry..  We ran out of fuel.  You were suppost to fill all of the bio-tanks, not just one.  And don't keep giving me excuses that the gauges said the tanks were full.  You were told to manually check them.  Now get back out on that dingee and keep rowing us into port.  I hope Pete has some bio-fuel available to spare...or else you and all of the crew and passangers are going to eat bean burritoes and drink my homemade Iced Tea to generate some bio fuel

Hmm, looks like only 3 crew available.  Don't like the odds.  Am attempting re-fuel from Bar.  It won't be easy transference I can tell you.   (Toddles down to fuel tanks...observing...ok...gets into shuttle and lines up ).   ...ok...  ... am docking...  DONE.  Awaiting next instruction.

OppenHeimer !  I missed something.  Apollo-gies.  There's a stray toob floating...

Thanks for the assist.  That gave us just enough bio-fuel to make into the doc.  Any suggestions as to where we can get more??  Best fuel is Blackbean Burrito/ Siriun Iced Tea blend, properly digested.  We will need a full load in order to make it to our next port where we can finally rebuild the engines to a Phoniex class level