Britain to the Moon Campaign blasts off Britain is missing self respect. Not the sort of self respect felt by football fans after 10 pints but the sort of self respect that can only come from a nation that has truly united to achieve a common goal. A goal so extraordinary that it’s achievement will go down in the annals of history as a truly monumental time to be alive.
The Russians make it into space before any other nation and they were proud.
The Americans make it to the moon before any other nation (except maybe the Vikings) and they were proud.
The Germans reunited their divided country after 50 years apart and they were proud.
The British invented the first ever pocket calculator and it was crap. We weren’t proud.
It’s time for the British to get off our back sides to do something special and why the hell shouldn’t that be a trip to the moon. Granted, we won’t be the first and probably not the last. We won’t get there in the most graceful fashion and most certainly in the most cost effective or scientifically astounding fashion. To be honest we’ll be pretty lucky to get there at all.
The thing that would really make this trip to the moon stand out would be what we did when we got there. We should do what that British do best. Annoy people. I don’t mean annoy them like the US annoy the Iraqis. I mean annoy people enough to really get under their skin but not enough to make them doing anything about it. The sort of sort of annoyingness that people will put up with, but only just.
It would be silly to annoy the entire world, where would we go on holiday? No, to take this achievement to the next level of greatness we only need to annoy only one country. France. There have been many suggestions sent in to News At Ten on how Britain could annoy the French and all of the greatest suggestions involve giant lasers. This is no exception.
This giant laser isn’t the sort of giant laser that destroys planets, countries or even their inhabitants. To take this British achievement to the very pinnacle of greatness it would have to be a laser of giant proportions and still have that one unique British quality. It would have to be completely pointless.
The Chinese built the great wall of China to keep out the vicious rabble next door. It is visible from space. The British built Hadrian’s wall to keep out the Scottish and you can’t even see the damn thing from the A1.
Hadrian’s wall was just on of a great number of pointless endeavours stretching as far back as Stonehenge all the way up to the millennium dome. We have a British tradition to keep up and this giant laser should be no exception. This giant laser so be so weak that you can look at it with your naked eyes. It should be specifically targeted so that the people who paid for it (i.e the British) can’t actually see it and only the French can. The laser shouldn’t be a constant light in the sky instead it should flash. Not the sort of flash that you can set your watch to but one that lets you just about figure out the pattern to its flashes and then changes to really annoy you.
So to conclude, we should spend billions of pounds to send a team to the moon to install a giant laser that we can’t even see in an effort to annoy the French, but not a lot. That would truly go down in British history as one of our greatest achievements.
Credit for this piece belongs here
http://www.news-at-ten.tv/articles/moon.htm
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