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Hardened Cheddar Lasagna
Ingredients:

4 tubes epoxy resin
4 12 Oz. blocks Cheddar Cheese
4 12 Oz. blocks Mozzarella
2 Tsp. fresh chives
1 lb. meat of your choice
2 boxes dried lasagna noodles
1 box Prego powdered Pasta Sauce

This is another one that takes a little time, so plan ahead!

First, set aside about six hours to grate your 8 blocks of cheese. DO NOT buy pre-shredded cheese. That's cheating. Once you have the cheese finely shredded, pile it into your ChefMaster Cheese Compressor. Turn it on.

After 20 minutes or so, the compressor will have formed the shredded cheese back into neat blocks, just the way you bought it. Lay them into your lasagna dish.

Next, layer your UNCOOKED noodles, powdered sauce, and meat over the cheese. Meld the ingredients together using the epoxy. The uncooked lasagna should now be about four inches high. Using a second pan, smash the ingredients into a dense layer about one inch thick. Remember: with this recipe, DENSITY IS THE KEY.

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Now, we want to give the flavors a chance to blend before we cook our lasagna. Let the lasagna sit on the counter uncovered for five years.

Now, check your oven to be sure you have reached the ideal temperature of 350, then pop the lasagna in for 45 minutes. Remove the lasagna, and cool it quickly by placing it in your CookWell Centrifuge. Spin it at 8,000 RPM's for 30 minutes, or until cool. Be careful! Those edges are sharp!

Next, you'll need to discourage your lasagna. Shout hateful insults at it for 15-20 minutes, at the top of your voice. Then give it a good, long stare. Try to stare at your lasagna in complete silence for at least two hours.

As an optional step, you can decorate the top of your lasagna with a blowtorch, or serve it immediately. The lasagna, which now has a density approximately 150% greater than titanium, can be used as a super-durable welcome mat, or hung around your neck as a bullet-proof vest.

Enjoy!