Close your eyes and picture the scene (read it before closing them of cousre!!)
From under the seats at the back of the bar lounge, Archie, the master of toilet humor, opens one eye, peels his face from the highly adhesive carpet, belches and psyches himself up for his big moment.
The large woolly like thing pressed against him, is just that - a large woolly sheep also sleeping off the effects of licking up a spilled pan galactic gargle blaster illegally sneaked aboard at the last shore leave.
Noisily clearing his throat of the residue of last nights activities, he staggers upright, twice falling off his stiletto heeled, purple fishing waders before finally attaining some semblance of stability.
Staggering toward the stage of the USS WAN III crew entertainment lounge, Archie has to tread carefully. Heaped across the floor like strings of sausages carelessly dropped, are the unconscious forms of his crew mates. Must have been one heck of a party.
Being careful not to repeat his performance of yesterday with the microphone up the nostril, he chooses to approach it on all fours, like a stealthy, albeit totally non-coordinated, cat stalking it's prey. Finally reaching the microphone stand, he thankfully clasps the stem between his hands and gradually pulls himself up until he reaches the working end.
He pulls it from his stand, it gives a fight but finally gives in causing the mesh (and other unknown substance) covered end to smash him in the nose. Drips of blood descend onto his once white shirt where they mingle with assorted dried fluids best left to the imagination. Suffice to say that it is only the stubborn under-stains that are in fact providing any tensile strength to the material.
A permanently carried half glass of Cassiopeian hog whisky in one hand along with a half burnt cigarette, he leans into the microphone and begins…
Goo' ev'nin' la-ies 'n gnl'men
"Once upon a time a bear and a bunny rabbit were out together in the woods taking a poop. The bear asked the bunny, "Do you ever have a problem with poop getting on your fur?"
The rabbit replied, "of course not!"
So the bear grabbed the bunny and wiped his butt with him.
I than' yu BEEEELLLCCCHHHH!!
Archie then thunderously collapses to the stage floor.
Tune in for the next episode, sometime whenever…
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